Sunday, 2nd July 2006

Race for life.

Throughout the month of June I tried not to allow the side-effects of the last dose of chemotherapy to interfere too much with everyday life. One of the few important dates I had in the diary for June was Rosemary's sponsored fun-run in Old Deer Park, Richmond, as part of Tesco's Race for Life programme. (www.tesco.com/raceforlife) Although the run was only five kilometres it was more that I could manage a few days after my sixth chemo. However, I was determined to be there to support Rosemary no matter what on Sunday 4th June. Rosemary was, as ever, very organised and made sure we could park behind her flat in Twickenham. Parking in Twickenham can be time-consuming and expensive if you get it wrong. Bryan and I packed the children and a picnic with lots of bottles of water into the car so that we had enough supplies. Just as well, as it was a bright, very hot and sunny day. We walked to the park from Rosemary's flat with Rosemary, her runner's number pinned to her t-shirt at the front and my name written on a pink label pinned on the back. Rosemary, who is used to running far greater distances, looked as cool as a cucumber. When we got to the park, we picked a spot to set up our picnic, while Rosemary checked in at the runners' desk. I had remembered to pack my new digital camera (thanks, Suzanne!) and wasted no time in taking a few snaps of our favourite runner.

Rosemary and Benjamin

Rosemary and Joshua

Rosemary

About 15 minutes before the race, the runners were all called over to a large grassy area in front of the stage where a couple of fitness trainers led a warm-up session. We wished Rosemary luck and said we'd see her after she finished. The sight of almost three thousand people moving in unison was quite impressive. Then, after the warm-up session was over, the runners moved across to the starting line. Joshua and I dashed to the edge of the runners' area leaving Bryan to entertain Benjamin with the promise of another ice-cream and a balloon. I wanted to take a snap of Rosemary in action, however, she was either too fast or I was not quite quick enough to get to the right place: probably a combination of both. Nevertheless, the pictures I did manage to take captured some of the other runners and the atmosphere in the park that day, which was quite jolly. Once I put the camera away I noticed how many children were taking part, many as young, if not younger, than Joshua. There were also older people walking around the track. Perhaps they were grandparents of cancer victims. Rosemary was back with her medal and goodie bag in no time at all, and, together with our proud parents who had also made their way to support Rosemary, we went back to her flat for some welcome shade and cold drinks.

During the drive home, I reflected on what I might be able to do to raise money for a cancer-related charity. After all, I was the recipient of potentially life-saving treatment developed as a result of studies and research that had probably been funded by events such as the one Rosemary had participated in that day. During my illness, I have been able to go to a cancer support centre at Mount Vernon Hospital. (www.ljmc.org). I have received some good advice and free complementary therapies such as relaxation classes and reflexology while having chemotherapy. However, it was difficult to contemplate exercise while recovering from chemo and with radiotherapy around the corner. Then an idea came to me about my notes. A number of readers have spoken to me and said they have forwarded my notes to people they know in my circumstances in the belief that they would help them; others have suggested that I try to find a publisher. I am not convinced that the content is sufficiently different from other more worthy authors or of high enough quality to compete with them. Perhaps when I complete my last entry on 13th November 2006 I may re-visit the idea. I might be able raise funds for the Lynda Jackson Macmillan Centre at Mount Vernon Hospital with the publication of my notes. It's a nice thought at least. In the meantime, maybe I can do something more practical. During my most recent visit at the Lynda Jackson Macmillan Centre (ljmc), I met the Marketing Manager, a bubbly person called Buzz. Buzz told me about their forthcoming fund-raising event, a 10 kilometre run in September, and asked if the company I worked for, Voca Limited, would consider getting involved in some way. As I manage the community programme at work I said I would try to help by promoting the idea at our monthly Corporate Responsibility forum. In this way I might be able to find some runners which the company could support by fund-matching the sponsorship money they raised. I wondered whether I would be fit enough to do the run myself. By starting slowly to do some regular exercise I could effectively start my fitness training and have that as a goal. What better way of getting fit and do my own bit for giving something back.

The garden continues to bloom thanks largely to my mother and Bryan. My mother has visited a couple of times and brought plants, created a border where there was none and helped organise me into some kind of regular watering routine. She reminds me everytime we speak about watering the garden. Bryan valiantly mows the lawn in all weathers. My neighbour Violet has also been very sweet and given me geraniums which I have planted in some little green containers which my mother gave me in June.



I put the containers just outside the playhouse to give it a more homey look. While this little detail has been lost on the boys, I quite like it. Looking after the boys and the garden was a welcome distraction while I tried to shrug of the illness induced by chemotherapy. We had a family over for lunch on Father's Day, and our friend Nigel brought a bottle of chilled white wine. I had not really been able to think about any sort of drink other that water or green tea while having chemo, however, I opened the bottle and had a glass. It tasted like nectar. I was sorely tempted to finish the entire bottle then remembered we had five kids running around the house and that it was Father's Day ( I was doing all the cooking etc.) so I abstained. The other activity which has been absorbing every minute of spare time is my voluntary work at Benjamin's school. I am the charity coordinator for the Parents' Teachers' Association and when the chairman became ill with a heart-related condition, I stepped in to organise our biggest fund raising event, the Summer Fair on July the 8th. We are currently trying to raise funds to improve the playground so a series of tasks from organising a tombola to writing the programme for the fair and organsising a charity auction have absorbed my time - in a very positive and healthy way I hasten to add. One of the Dads who runs a chauffeur business has offered to chauffeur two people to the West End and back. If only I could find a theatre that might donate a pair of good seats to a show. I have a shortlist of productions that will appeal to the families and friends coming along to the fair, and feel hopeful that one of the theatres will donate a pair of tickets. The Really Useful Theatre Company, for example, have entered us into their monthly draw for tickets in June, so, who knows, a pair may be winging their way to the school as I write.

My anxiety about the radiotherapy persisted. The radical surgery was enough. The chemotherapy was a trial but I understood completely why it was necessary. I had an appointment with my oncologist 'Captain Mainwaring'. I rehearsed in my mind what I would say to him. How could he be sure the radiation would not harm the healthy parts of me? I have had a mastectomy. Why did I need this? What is the risk that the radiotherapy might in fact trigger a new form of cancer? However when I finally made it into his consulting room something he said took me by surprise. As if addressing a member of the home guard he said " Hello Mrs Kesselman, I have been reading through the results of all your blood tests we have been carrying out in the last five months. One of the things we have been testing for is the presence of cancer cells in your body. There are none. You'll need radiotherapy to reduce the risk of cancer coming back of course...." but, by then, I wasn't listening. My heart was beating so powerfully it was difficult to take in anything else. I was winning the race for life I began on 13th November 2005.