Shaken but not stirred

Monday, 13th February 2006

I woke up last Tuesday morning with mixed feelings; there was no getting away from it; I was going to have some fairly unpleasant drugs injected into my body; a body that might still be harbouring cancerous cells or one that has none. Either way, it didn't matter, I had to go through with it. However with children to get dressed, fed and ready for school there is little time to worry. After the children's breakfast, I got busy peeling carrots for my juice while Bryan began to prepare for the school run by helping the boys with coats and school bags. Just before going out of the front door, Benjamin came back into the kitchen to check with me that I was starting my 'strong medicine' today. I confirmed that I was. Whilst this has not cropped up in recent conversation, the fact I am to take this medicine has made an impact on his mind. I smiled, kissed his little curly head, waved goodbye and told him I would see him at home after school. He skipped off .

I make up about 275 ml of carrot juice and drank it hoping that it would be a tonic that would prepare my liver for the substances it would have to deal with later that morning. The appointment was for 9.45 am so after the school drop-off we headed for the hospital. The oncology nurse was welcoming and reminded me of what was going to happen. She showed me to a chair and said I would first have a saline drip. I asked about how the dosages of the drugs had been calculated. I was keen to check these had been calibrated against my height and weight. I was about to be injected with some very strong drugs; a wrong dose could be dangerous. The nurse was fine with my questions and ran through each drug and my notes so that I could see how the measures had been calculated. I felt more at ease after that and she quickly got down to business. Firstly a canula was inserted into a vein on my right hand. This device is made up of a fine needle with what looked like a valve that allows a number of drugs to be administered removing the need for several injections. The saline drip went in first followed by an anti-sickness drug and then I noticed the red drug epirubicin in what seemed to me a huge syringe. As the drug was administered via the canula it was uncomfortable but not unbearable. I began to drink water. When that was finished the cyclophasphamide went in and finally the 5FU. The nurse warned me that this last drug would make my eyes water and my nose become runny. I helped myself to tissues, however, in the end I was unaffected. The whole process took about and hour and a half. The nurse gave me a record book with details of all the drugs I had been given and a place to record symptoms plus a reminder to contact her or the duty sister if I felt ill. We agreed the next date for the treatment would be Tuesday 28th February providing blood tests proved my blood cells had recovered sufficiently well to withstand the next cycle. I was also given some anti-sickness tablets to take home and then some other tablets to take away the side effects of the anti-sickness pills. Mad really but there you have it.

I was not not sorry to leave and felt very grateful Bryan was there to drive me home. Benjamin attends school just half a day so knowing we would not be back in time my Dad had already offered to collect Benjamin. They both arrived shortly after we had got in and Benjamin was evidently happy to see me. I told him everything had gone well and also assured my Dad it had not been 'all that bad'. He left in good spirits saying that Mum was expecting him for lunch and that he would let her know. I then called my sister Rosemary to reassure her and that so far I felt fine. The oncology nurse said I would not experience any symptoms till about 4 pm that afternoon and that is when the tiredness and nausea would kick in a little however the real impact would not be felt until 7 – 10 days after . That is when the effects of the drugs would really manifest themselves. I got busy with more juicing and made the Bramley apple and Fennel juice mixture Professor Jane Plant recommends in her book. It's not something that would naturally occur to me to drink but, it is not unpleasant and, given the benefits it is supposed to bestow, it may just help me get through the chemotherapy. Time will tell.

During the hours that followed I felt a little lightheaded but otherwise well enough to walk to school to collect Joshua. I was greeted with smiles and hugs from two of the Mums in the playground waiting for their children. I assured them all had gone well. When Joshua came out we chatted about what he had done at school and I told him my day had gone well. We walked home and all seemed fine till about 4.30 pm. I began to feel slightly nauseous. I made an infusion of fresh ginger and lemon as Susannah Olivier says in her book this can help to combat nausea. It worked and I felt better. As the evening progressed I began to feel tired but it did not interfere with making supper for the children, or their bath and story time routines.

Now there are a lot of things I am bad at and one of them is taking tablets. The time came round to take the first of the anti-sickness tablets. I had to take two twice a day for three days. I later noticed on Thursday that I had in fact only started to take one of these twice a day. And yet the symptoms I experienced continued to be relatively mild in comparison to what I was expecting. I shrugged this off as 'beginners luck' and have made a mental note not to make the same mistake the next time round.

I went to sleep last Tuesday with a bucket next to my bed (it's still there) as I fully expected to be ill in the middle of the night however I wasn't and haven't been since. During the time since the drugs were administered I have times when I feel obviously tired but these do not last long. I continue to have spells of mild nausea and tiredness but that, for the time being, is it.